Brooke, my new BFF

Have decided to rejoin a gym. I think lapsing with the gym a month ago was one of the factors contributing to my body seizing last week, and the resulting achilles business.

I’m going to try New Dimensions at Leonay this time, given its proximity to home. When you walk into New Dimensions you are greeted by two impossibly happy, impossibly upbeat girls, who speak so loudly that you suspect their only physical imperfection is that of being somewhat hard of hearing. The type of girls that make a middle aged man feel even more self-conscious than is already attributable to merely being a middle aged man.

“Hi I’d like to join for 3 months”

“Hi, I’m Brooke. We have a 12 month special that might be better for you”

I’m still not clear if she was trying to ensure I received good value, or had already sized me up and thought that the task ahead was simply not going to be achievable in 3 months. But I stuck to my guns and told her that 3 months would be fine for now. “Sure Sweetie”. Sweetie! Oh please, even my mother doesn’t think I’m sweet. “Oh yeah, and this is Ashleigh, but we call all her Ash”.

Brooke and Ash thought I was hilarious, especially  when I got their names mixed up. “Gaawwd, How could you mix us up, Oh My Gaawwwddd?”. In any case they didn’t hear me say I was actually ready to join, instead seeming to hear “could you please dial-up the sales-pitch-for-middle-aged-guys and smash me over the head with it.” And with that Brooke bounced out from behind the counter, flashed the Shane Warne pearly whites, and waved me on. “C’mon, I’ll show show you around first”. Brooke told me that it was important I know what the gym had to offer. I knew what the gym had to offer, but it certainly sounded more welcoming coming from my new BFF, Brooke.

“OK, so this is the weights room. Have you ever used free weights before?” But before I could answer Brooke had turned and left me standing in the middle of the room like I had asked for a dance, and was motioning me to follow like an already well trained dog. “Ok, so this is the cardio room. Have you ever used cardio equipment before?” I ……… but she was already on the third step waving me upwards, which I dutifully did, up to a room filled with spin bikes. “Ok, so this is where we do the spin classes. Have you ever done a spin class before?” “So do you want to join? We have a twelve month special”.

So through the tsunami of giggles, Brooke and Ash double-teamed getting the paperwork done and the obligatory photo. “Smile!!  Oh come on, bigger,,, SMIII - EELLLL.” I was smiling so big I suspect that when my membership card is eventually issued I will look like the Joker, unfortunately more the aging Jack Nicholson version than the Heath Ledger.

I’m now a member of New Dimensions, but frankly I’m a wee bit frightened of going back.