I'm losing my balls

WEIGHT: 90.3 (Crap, its gone north again)

ACHILLES: Cautiously optimistic. A walk/run in this week with no material flare-ups.
HEAD SPACE: I’ve cracked – I’m a clown
RATING FOR THE WEEK: 2.5 - As bad as it gets without getting injured.

Monday: Nutting

Tuesday: Nuttin (Seeing a pattern)

Wednesday: 7km walk/run. Slow running. Right patella a bigger problem than Achilles. Think I can fix that.

Thursday: 30min on wind trainer. Stretch n press.

I’m like some fat aspiring clown at his first day of clown school. The teacher chucks him two balls and he starts juggling – promising start. Then a third ball, and problems start to appear, though at this point they are at least manageable. When the fourth ball gets thrown in the whole lot just falls on the floor.

And there’s the problem. It isn’t just the last ball that falls on the floor leaving the clown to juggle the ones that he can handle, they all fall down. And the clown stamps his feet and starts crying. ‘I just want to be a clown !!!’.

Knowing full well that I’m a lazy f#$%er, I put structures in place to stop me from falling into a vacuous abyss, but at the moment I’m just an overcommitted clown, and there are balls flying everywhere. At least I’m not trying to juggle chainsaws and pussycats.

When I signed up for uni, it was so I didn’t become intellectually lazy. Equally though, when it gets to the uphills on that front the effort required is very solid. 55 for my last assignment is the lowest score (I think) I’ve ever had in any study, and when I re-read what I had submitted (at 11:57 on deadline night), I suspect the 5 points sufficient to give me a pass was more like an encouragement award. Didn’t even proof read what I sent in, and in retrospect the arguments read like the Nymboida in flood - plenty of flow but anything of substance in its path ended up smashed and washed out to sea. A lot of cows drowned in the writing of that essay.

When I signed up for IM, it was designed to help keep a fitness goal in focus, and to that extent its a successful strategy. But when you don’t actually get to the things that are required to meet that goal, then it simply turns into a stress point.

Need to catch the family and work balls before they hit the floor, gather up the rest of the carnage and start again.